I grew up having a great childhood. My parents were awesome. I had 4 siblings who were all much older than I was and moved out when I was very young. I got to have the best of two worlds; having siblings that loved me and growing up as the only child in the house.
However, as far back as I can remember, there was always something wrong with me. I always had a feeling as I was not good enough. I went through periods where I had too much energy. I always found ways to make the wrong decision. I did not know it at that time, but I was dealing with mental illness.
Into my teen years things got worse. Self-harm became a way of life. I became a cutter as a way to have a physical pain that could match my pain on the inside. As a young adult some of my symptoms were discovered by some friends and family. I was urged to seek medical help. My family physician put me on some anti-depressants, and I saw a counselor.
In 2010 I tried to end my life. I spent a week or so in a mental hospital and was put on some stronger medications. I was taught coping skills to deal with my depression and suicidal thoughts, however I was never taught why I should be happier or why I should want to live. Again, this became my routine; medications, counseling, depression and wanting to die.
In 2018 I attempted suicide again, twice. After my last attempt I died. My heart had stopped, and I had stopped breathing. Luckily, I was found quickly, and paramedics arrived quickly, and they preformed CPR and used a defibrillator on me and I was brought back to life. I spent 3 and a half weeks in a coma. At that time my doctor had me sectioned to the state mental hospital for a prolonged stay.
During my 9 months stay in the hospital I was cut off from the outside world. Since I could not pay my bills, I lost the house I lived in and my car. Since I could not be there when I was evicted, I couldn’t get any of my possessions. I lost EVERYTHING I owned.
When I was released from the hospital I had nothing and no where to go. I was sent to the Warren Family mission in February of 2019 with my only possessions being a pair of shorts, a T-shirt and a pair of sandals. The mission immediately started helping me. I got a warm bed, I got 3 meals a day, clothing and everything I needed.
I also got something I did not expect. I was introduced to GOD!
During my stays at hospitals, and time in counseling, I was given the tools to battle my mental illness, but I was never given a reason as to why I should. Now with God I had a reason.
I realize that it was God who saved me from my attempts at suicide. It was God who got me to the treatment I needed. It is God who gives me the reason to keep fighting my illness every day. Without God I would not be here today, but because of God I will continue to fight every day.
The Warren Family Mission helped me in my darkest time of my life. They housed me, fed me and clothed me. They gave me the greatest gift in my life, God. Nothing I could ever do could ever be enough to repay them for what they have done for me.
Eric
Men’s Center Resident